Sunday, May 1, 2011

Blood, Poo, and Snot -- Oh MY!

As a mom, I learned a while ago that I was basically always going to be covered in some manner of nasty substance -- be it sour milk, vomit, drool, pee, snot, or, well, pretty much any other manner of bodily excretion or sloppy food mess.  I've learned that wearing black is a particularly bad idea, especially when one of my children has a runny nose, which is... let's face it... ALL THE TIME. 

When I have the rare occasion to go to the mall, I often wonder if the people around me are fascinated by the slime trail that covers my shoulders... which is basically a combination of drool and nose drippings resulting from my 16-month-old sucking and teething on my shirt. 

My 4-year-old has recently become completely fascinated with poo.  He has been routinely asking me to watch him poop and then interpret the shapes.  While normal children look at clouds and say -- "Hey, that looks like a bunny rabbit," my son sees snails, dragons and sharks in his poops. I suppose I should just be grateful for his creativity, but honestly, it's not a very appealing game for the one not doing the pooping.  And to be clear -- no, I do not play this game when I AM the one pooping either. Last night he was particularly excited by a poo that he insisted had a really long tail.  Too much information? Sorry, I digress....

Usually it is my children that are the cause of me being covered in bodily fluids, but this morning I had the rare treat of waking up to bloody sheets.  Not the kind of bloody sheets that happen when you forget that it's your time of the month; these sheets were bloody because my husband had had back surgery nearly two weeks ago, and last night he thought, hey, the wound doesn't look THAT gross any more... maybe it doesn't need a bandage over it tonight.  Um, I could have told him otherwise if he had asked, but no... he just figured it would all be fine.  So early this morning I was awakened by my husband's sheepish voice saying, "I have a problem.  I need you to bandage me up."  I dragged myself out of my sleepy stupor to notice that he had blood literally pouring down his back, and all over the sheets.  LOVELY. 

I tell you -- a few years ago, I probably would have passed out at the sight of this.  But I think I realized today that being a mom has prepared me for levels of grossness that I otherwise would have never been able to deal with.  Instead of freaking out, I calmly cleaned him up, scolded him for not bandaging it, and put on a new dressing.

Moms wear many hats, and I guess I can take a little pride in adding the official title of "nurse" to my resume.  Now to change the sheets.... Stumble Upon Toolbar


  1. Awesome post! As a fellow mom I know exactly what you are talking about. I found you from bloggy moms and am now a follower.

    Please check me out at

  2. Your post made me chuckle, LOL.

    My son is 11 and mention poo and he still cracks up.

    I Found you on Bloggy Moms


  3. Okay you win. This beats my stepping in pee this morning! Ahh... but does your husband ever ask you to shave his back! Hmm... I just might have a blog for another day! LOL
    Thanks for visiting my blog today! I look forward to reading yours too! Very cute!
    ~Sharon from Mama's Turn Now

  4. The hubby has always said, "It is the lot of Woman to be covered in excrement." It's not a sexist statement, just an observation. There is a reason that nurses are predominantly women... I think we are kind of fashioned to deal with such things.

    Admittedly, if you had told me that I would do cloth diapers (yup, exclusively... for MONTHS) I would have told you that you were nuts. Now I have a natural reaction that when I see something gross, I start breathing through my mouth without even thinking about it!

  5. Hey Jen,
    I think you're funny as heck and I wanted to add your button to my sidebar but couldn't find one. If you have an image (I was tempted to use 'happy boobs' because it was funny, anyhoo, if you have an image you would prefer then send it over to me and I can add you to my 'mom blogs I love' sidebar.
    The Epic Adventures of a Modern Mom


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