Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bewildered and Blogging

Most of the time I am sunny, cheerful, and looking to uplift everyone around me.  I am usually thinking, "How can I make this person smile" as I go through the day.  So why is it that I sometimes can't seem to keep the momentum going when it comes to my kids? 

I am a photographer, and after a string of illnesses, hospital visits, and general disasters that have befallen our family recently, I was sad that we had missed the opportunity to get Easter pics taken as a family this year.  So... my photography studio to the rescue!  I had been looking to build a studio in my basement literally for YEARS, and I finally did... and after spending big dough on lights and backdrops and props, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to break in my new equipment for some charming Easter photos! 

Well, the chaos began when we couldn't convince my son to put his Easter clothing on, then one of my lights malfunctioned, then my daughter sat in her adorable little white poofy dress in her adorable giant Easter basket and just cried...and cried.... and wailed... and screamed. 

My husband was generally ticked off because of all the chaos, so he was snapping at the kids, and having someone screaming "You SIT THERE and SMILE, DAMMIT" just doesn't lend itself to creating a "naturally charming photo."   

After tons of fighting with the kids, the lights, the set, the props, the clothing, and each other, we ended up with a bunch of pictures that were mediocre at best, and just downright terrible at worst.   And I confess I am just plain ANGRY about the whole damn situation.  And right now I hear both kids screaming hysterically downstairs, and I feel like a colossal failure because my husband is down there by himself with them trying to feed them dinner while I am lying in bed in the upstairs bedroom because my back hurts.  I should be helping more. I should be doing better.... I should be a better mommy...  I should be more patient... I should be a better wife... and I should probably stop beating myself up.

I am human... I'm a mother...and I'm sure we've all had these moments.  I think I need a good cry and maybe a Valium.  Given some time to reflect, I could probably find a great way to rewrite this so I could laugh about it... but let's face it... there are some moments when laughter just isn't going to happen, and you just have to give yourself credit for keeping your head above water.  So I'm treading water, trying not to sink, and looking forward to bedtime like the second coming of Christ!  I think for honesty's sake I will leave this blog just as it is... I will not rewrite it to be witty, or funny, or clever, or enticing.  It will just be me... bewildered and blogging. Stumble Upon Toolbar


  1. Honesty is good. I could laugh at this...a little, except I feel your pain too much. I've been there too often. Trying to be perfect. Then I remember I never can be, and this is why He came. To be perfect for me. Rest, dear heart, and wake up and smile tomorrow.

  2. Just stopping by from bloggy moms.

  3. oh sweetheart...we've all been there....a lot...

    I have given up on doing family photos when it is the "right" time. My extended faily still tries to get me to do giant group shots and wrangle kids during big faily days, but unless they insist, I don't do it anymore. I simply leave my camera at home - oops!

    I get my kids to cooperate with me every once in awhile for some portraits with lots bribing and coercing and STILL there are breakdowns and horrible happens to us all!! :) I'm not proud of my beahvior sometimes when they won't just be cute for 2 MINUTES! ":)

    Anyway...don't be hard on yourself - did the studio set up work in theory??

    Where in PA are you?? I'm in Hershey...if we are close, we should get together! (photo)

  4. Thanks for joining my new bloggy moms group. I am your newest follower and hope one of my blogs interested you too! To answer your questin you posted in the group, yes the idea is that you follow everyone ahed of you and then new ones will follow you, but honestly don't expect that, it does not happen like that for some reason. I have learned that you always have to be the follower first and leave a comment and you may get half following you back. That is the breaks of blog hopping!
    Have a great day!

    I also do a weekend blog hop, you can link up on tawnasplan that is open every Friday-Sunday!

  5. Awww... ladies... thank you so much for your encouragement... I am so touched by the support... and I am sure today will be a better day! Hugs for you all... and thanks again for the uplifting words!

  6. "...looking forward to bedtime like the second coming of Christ! "

    That is SO perfectly put! I can't tell you how many days I have felt this way! I don't think there's a mom in the world who hasn't.

    Chin up, this too shall pass. Until the next time it is photo shoot time...


  7. O, man... this is the general scenario in our household when the camera 'officially' comes out. My husband is the photographer (it is HIS work that you are admiring on the blog!) and it serves as a great source of frustration to him. I try pretty futilely to assist... Some days go a lot better than others. Other people's kids seem waaayyyyy more cooperative when he is shooting them!


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