Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I told you to get your HANDS out of your BUTT!!!

As the mom of a four-year-old boy, I've come to realize that boys have a fascination with certain parts of their bodies.  My son is absolutely crazy about his butt.  To Evan, his butt is just about the most amazing thing our there, only occasionally coming in second place to what we refer to as his "parts."  For right now, he doesn't know that his "parts" do much besides pee, and of course, flop around when he runs naked (which he gets a big kick out of and loves to show off on a regular basis). 

Recently, my darling boy has started a new habit of digging around in his "parts."  I sort of expected that he would do this; after all, every man has to "adjust" from time to time, right?  And I've pretty much heard that men are generally obsessed with their equipment anyway, so it was nothing to be surprised about when Evan began poking around down there. 

Unfortunately, this harmless adjusting and curious exploring has now expanded to include him digging about in his rear.  The first time I saw him do this, I figured perhaps he probably hadn't wiped properly after using the potty, and that he was a little itchy or just not clean.  So I dragged him to the bathroom and wet-wiped his bum, while he screamed and protested and couldn't understand why on earth I was digging in his butt.  I tried to tell him that, frankly, I was trying to figure out why HE was digging in his butt, and that I was attempting to make him comfortable so that such rooting about would not be necessary. 

However, after careful observation, I have now concluded that Evan just generally ENJOYS fumbling around in there, especially if it's right after he's gone potty, which just makes the whole situation that much more disgusting for those of us trying to run a hygienic household.  The other night at bedtime he was doing his usual routine... he pooped in the potty and then came into the bedroom to put on his pull-up and pajama pants.  He hadn't washed his hands, so I prompted him to please go wash them.  He responded by flopping face down on the floor, rump in the air, and reaching around behind him to dig about while laughing hysterically at my annoyance. 

I believe I responded with some hysterical rambling that went something like this, "Oh my God, you are not touching ANYTHING until you get yourself into the BATHROOM and wash your HANDS with LOTS and LOTS of soap...and why are you digging in your butt anyway.... I said to stop digging in your butt.... your butt is dirty!"  To this he giggled and shouted "Dirty butt!!!"  at me, while continuing to forage for God-knows-what in his backside.  

I finally convinced him to get off the floor, at which point he saw a can of almonds that were sitting in the hallway and went straight for them.  I screamed, "Nooooo!!!!!  Don't touch ANYTHING!!!"  But by the time I got to him he had already taken the lid off and begun reaching into the container.  I screamed "Don't you put your hands in there!" in the nick of time, at which point he looked at me quizzically, lifted the can of almonds to his face, stuck his tongue in the can, and began slurping up almonds like a pig at the feeding trough, pausing occasionally to lick the salt off the inside of the container walls. "Get your face out of the almonds!  We don't stick our tongue in the bucket!" I practically screamed (I am amazed, by the way, that my 16-month-old actually managed to stay asleep through this entire fiasco). 

Evan just looked at me innocently and replied, "But you said I couldn't put my hands in it."  "Yes," I replied, "but I also said you couldn't put your hands in your stinking BUTT!!!"   He grinned, shouted "Stinky Butt!!!" and took off running down the hallway, parts flapping, enjoying the heck out of himself. 

I imagine this too shall pass.  In the meantime, I am watching that butt like a hawk and buying large quantities of anti-bacterial wipes.  Apparently, in my son's case, we really do know "where those hands have been!" Stumble Upon Toolbar

30 comments:

  1. Oh the joys of motherhood. My 10 year old still tries to do what he calls. "HINEY SHOWS" for us, where he shakes his bear butt to the right and then shakes it to the left in front of us. Not so cute at his age. My hubby does not help matters by cracking up hysterically. It is a Boy thing! Wish I could say it goes away but we all know that is not so!

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  2. I just blogged about my son's (all three of them) fascination with their penises. I just don't get it. Girls don't generally run around with their girl parts in their hands.

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  3. Three things:
    1. I am sorry to say, but as the mom of 2 boys and married to a 3rd boy, butts, parts, naked dances, and farts will NEVER stop being funny, to them.
    2. Remind me to NEVER eat almonds at your house.
    3. No matter how much they beg, NEVER pull anyone's finger at my house.
    =J

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  4. Thanks for the great laugh. I raised two boys who are now well-adjusted young men, although I'm still not sure how they got there. They didn't do the butt thing, but they did have a fascination with each other's parts (very close in age) and I often had to break up mutual pecker pulling contests. OYE!!!!! Of course, they straightened out eventually, but then I got a surprise later in life called. . . DA GURL. Now somebody else was fascinated with "their" parts. It was a circus or a zoo, not sure which, for a few years, but all of them survived. And I agree with #1 as stated by The Girls about parts, butts, naked dances, farts and everything gross will never stop being funny to them. The words "grown up" and boys usually do NOT go hand in hand. :)

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  5. LoL! I really love how you write your adventures...thanks for sharing.Your blog is interesting and comfortable,very natural.I am your newest follower.hope you can come and visit my historical food blah blah! www.cookiedropletsetcbymarelie.com

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  6. Ha! Funny stuff. Butts.

    well, my three year old daughter is also fascinated with butts, hers, mine, daddys, baby brothers, the animals. In addition to picking around in her own butt, she likes to "sniff" (like a dog) her brothers butt. Pretty safe to say she got this from watching a movie. So much for girls... can't wait to see how my son tops this when he is three.

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  7. Oh my... there is a reason God has not blessed me with boys. Although my girls have been quite challenging lately too. I think being fascinated with butts is sort of kid thing.

    My daughters both went through stages where they were all about the butt...and the front side too. In fact, I finally got to the point where I couldn't deal with having them share the same bathtub each night, so now they bathe separately. To them it was all very innocent, but to me, it was just weird...wrong...horrifying...well, you get the point.

    Love your blog and your writing style.

    Blessings,
    Rosann

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  8. My son is five and he loves his being naked. It takes a good 5 to 10 minutes to convince him to put on clothes after he gets out of the shower (yes, he takes showers... he's weird. lol)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog to say hello. Can't wait to read more from your blog in the future.

    Jackie @ http://tofindtheline.blogspot.com/

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  9. LOL.. Funny.
    Following from wkend blog hop
    mamawannasave.com

    Look forward to reading more of your blog, Have a wonderful mothers day weekend!!

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  10. HAHAHAHA! This blog is definitely of the funny variety that I like to read! My daughter likes to dig around in the front while bathing, but luckily has not discovered the rear end as of yet (she's only 22 months old). I hope she never does.... Found you on the blog hop :)
    www.mommyadventures.net

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  11. Cute blog! New follower! Stop by and see me! I'm also on facebook, if you could stop by and like!

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  12. Very funny, the things I have to look forward too. New follower. Please stop by my blog.

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  13. Boys NEVER stop their fascination with "down there." I forced my Hubby to stop running around the house au natural when we had a kid. What's Kiddo's FAVORITE thing to do? Yup, run around the house naked.

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  14. Oh the things I have to look forward to! haha :)
    I am now following you from the hop...Please stop by Areyouamom.com and say hi :)
    Have a great weekend!
    Maureen

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  15. Oh my goodness! That's is the funniest thing--for the love of the butt! Following you from the Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop! Would love it if you LIKE my page: www.facebook.com/flightlessgoose

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  16. How hilarious! What a funny thing - boys will be boys after all :P

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  17. Your blog is absolutely hilarious. From a mom of one boy age 7, man, I wasn't ready for this! He is all boy and they do the silliest things and have strange fascinations! Until recently, he always wanted to run around without his clothes, thought it was an absolute hoot. Stopping by from the Say Hi Sunday blog hop. Stop by for a visit some time. http://www.homesteadbountyblessings.com

    blessings,
    Jacqui

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  18. You had me laughing out loud (it's a good thing no one was home or else I wouldn't be here typing, I'd probably be at the 'nut' house). Boys always leave you speechless!

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  19. Ohhhh....how I know this dilemma. I have three boys plus a husband....and lots of penis stories. http://imentalmommy.blogspot.com/2010/08/no-longer-virgin.html

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  20. This is so funny! It's my daughter that I constantly have to tell to "wash her hands". And as someone up top said, boys never do grow out of it! LOL

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  21. I think I just peed my pants! this was AWESOME! thank you so much! I am so glad I found you!!!! I found you at j-man and millerbug! following you now you are amazing! you are my new hero!
    please check out and stumble my blog :) if you get a chance :) thanks!
    denise
    http://mommy2nanny3doggy1.blogspot.com/

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  22. bahahahaha... Ya just gotta find the humor ~the OMG of motherhood and the things we encounter (of course I say this with my hand on my forehead)! :)

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  23. Poop smearing always fun when they put their hands down the back of their pants after going potty :(

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  24. This totally made me laugh out loud!

    Found your blog through bloggymoms- excited to follow you.

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  25. too funny! i blogged about a similar experience a couple of weeks ago. boys will be boys, stinky fingers and all. beware my truck-driving mouth, but compare your story with mine at https://theuncouthson.com
    post title: poop, and my itchy butt. i look forward to reading more of your stuff.
    jess, mom of the uncouth son

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  26. I have a 9 yr old boy who scratches his but and it drives me crazy!! How is it that he cant smell his hands? The minnute he walks by me I freak out on him to go wash your hands!! How can youh get them to stop this?

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