Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Nudist

For some reason, my four-year-old boy seems to be allergic to wearing pants.  Underwear too, for that matter.

I've heard of kids who spontaneously strip off their clothes at random and inappropriate times, and I suppose I should be grateful that he's not doing that.  Instead, he chooses to express his disdain for covering his privates by getting conveniently distracted while changing.  He'll take his pajama pants and Pull-Up off in the morning, but then he just never seems to get around to putting any underwear or pants on. 

This isn't so much of a big deal on weekdays, when he has to hustle to get dressed so he can be taken to preschool, but on the weekends he seems to believe that the house is his own private nudist resort. 

On Saturday mornings it's not uncommon to find him jumping up and down on the easy chair with just his pajama-shirt on and his "parts" merrily flapping about.  One would think it would be uncomfortable to have all that floppage, but apparently he gets a kick out of it.  I'm glad he enjoys himself, but I just wish he'd engage in an activity that was a tad more visually appealing for the rest of us.

My husband is even more put off by Evan's behavior than I am; while I find it merely distasteful to see my son's privates displaying themselves at every turn, my husband sees Evan's nakedness as a general threat to the safety and cleanliness of our home.

On weekends I will hear my husband holler repeatedly, "Evan!  Don't sit down on the sofa with your naked butt!  Your butt is dirty!  For God's sake, put some underwear on before you sit on anything!"

This tactic is usually counterproductive, as my son finds it tremendously amusing to get his daddy riled up.  So he'll stall and come up with odd positions to sit in where his bum isn't actually touching the sofa, which just annoys my husband even more.

And thus, the weekends turn into the nudey-wars at our house.

Notice the naked bum, not in contact with the sofa.
Evan's nudist tendencies manifest themselves outside the home as well.  Recently, when he had to go to the hospital for a procedure, he adamantly refused to wear the little kiddie hospital pants that went with the cute little hospital shirt.  Despite the nurses' insistence that he would be cold, my son stubbornly shunned the pants, claiming that he was fine with just the tiny shirt that stopped at his belly-button.  He paraded down the halls proudly, getting odd looks from passersby, while I held the hospital pants in my hand and returned people's confused expressions with a look that I hoped said, "I tried to get him to wear them, but what can I do?"

One nurse joked that I will inevitably receive an angry call someday from Evan's college dean, telling me that my son has gotten in trouble for streaking naked across campus. 
Truth be told, I am a bit worried that one day my son is going to offend someone with his shameless displays. After swim class the other day, Evan stripped off his suit and began singing and prancing about the locker room—completely naked.  While I struggled to wrestle my daughter out of her suit, my son ran up to the other moms, turned his naked butt in their direction and shouted "I fart on you!"

He then erupted into maniacal giggles and shut himself inside one of the swim lockers.

"I'm so sorry," I babbled to the ladies, "I think he's part baboon..."

"Well, I think it's nice that he's so comfortable with himself!" a kind grandmother said, although I have reason to believe she was merely taking pity on me.

To make matters worse, I'm convinced Evan is deliberately upping the ante with his naked cavorting, engaging in more bizarre and dangerous behaviors to shock my husband and me.  This past weekend he happily plopped his naked bottom on the Sit-and-Spin, and when my hubby yelled at him for putting his bare butt on the toy, Evan said, "Fine, then, I'll just do this!"  And he stood up and started spinning.  

Needless to say, this turn of events went over like a lead balloon.  My hubby immediately started yelling at him, "Evan!  That's not safe!  You can't spin on that standing up!  Get off of that and put some pants on!"

Evan responded to this by kneeling down and continuing to spin. 

"Look, Daddy, I'm not standing anymore!"
My husband let out an annoyed huff and glared at me.  "Why are you taking pictures?  You're just encouraging him!" he hollered. 

I shrugged.  In all honestly, I do find Evan's antics somewhat hilarious.  If you've never seen a four-year-old bent over the wheel of a Sit-and-Spin, turning around and around with his naked rump in the air, then you should stop by my house on a Saturday morning sometime—it's definitely something you should observe at least once in your lifetime.  How could I not take pictures of something so ridiculous?

At any rate, I think justice will be mine in the end; my hubby will undoubtedly forgive me when Evan turns sixteen and my husband discovers how useful the pictures will be for blackmail purposes.  After all, if we have to stare at my son's bare bottom for the next ten years until Evan realizes that civilized people wear clothes, we should at least get some mileage out of it.     

And I have a very special scrapbook planned.  Just wait until he brings home his first girlfriend!
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  1. I actually laughed out loud when you described the floppage. But when you started talking about the next 10 years of nudity, I totally saw Axel Heck from the Middle. Are we all destined to turn into that family in some way?

  2. Ha that is too funny! My son used to strip down to only his underwear the minute he got in the door! I have pics of well and lot's of them! Blackmail definitely!
    Thank you so much for linking up to my 1st Blog Hop Social! I am working on another one for later this week to link-up crafts, recipes, etc. made by you. So please come by and link up to it as well. They will be a weekly feature on Made in a Day. I am following you!

    Kim @madeinaday


  3. I feel your pain! My twin 4 year olds LOVE being naked. Unfortunately, they also LOVE looking out the giant picture window in the front of the house. So yes, all of our neighbors and anyone driving by have probably gotten an ass shot of our kids at one time or another. And my guess is, they're boys, and will not outgrow it! Good luck!
    My Twintastic Life

  4. I see what's in my future! My EB yanks her diaper off if it's not covered with something. Funny!

  5. I am one of three girls and I don't remember the naked running around that my two boys love to do. I'm always saying "We do not live in a nudist colony"! You do have to be careful though because one thing I have found is that they love the attention, if you just ignore it it does stop, but that is easier said than done because I too have been known to laugh!! Thanks for a funny post and a well needed laugh today!

  6. OMG! I am sooo LMAO!!!! Gurl...your son and my son have GOT to go bowling together!

    My 4 year old still gets naked, climbs on the desk and screams for popsicles!!!!

    This was hysterical :)


  7. Several thoughts here from someone with 6 and 7 year old boys. One - funny post as always. But who needs a scrapbook? You just posted naked pictures on the internet where they will reside forever. This post will make him 20x madder than the scrapbook. hee hee.
    And your husband is right. Without knowing your son, but having two, I'd say there's a 95% chance he's not all clean. No offense, but he's a boy.
    I will say, kids love to be naked. There is nothing wrong with a four year old running around sans pants. If someone gets uptight, they are uptight in life anyway, so who cares. After another year or two, he still will get naked, but the frequency will be much much smaller. And you're lucky, mine are much more prone to getting naked outside. Nothing is as funny as when they strip down to birthday suits while on the NEIGHBORS trampoline. Luckily, she has four boys and thinks its hilarious. cheers

  8. Hi Jenn, I am sorry you couldn't follow me on GFC I wish you could but WordPress doesn't host them yet. I can join yours though...I have a GFC account. FB following gets updates from my blog though. Thanks for trying anyway!

  9. Muahaha, this reminds me of my son when he was little. He never wore clothes, ran around half nude(waist down always just like the pics) or was constantly stripping, sometimes not in the best places either. I have some good news though, my son is now almost 13 and many years ago he started being a little more "contained". Now he's so private, I can't even go in the bathroom while he's hidden in the shower to brush my teeth for 5 minutes. We have one bathroom right now so I wouldn't even try if I didn't have to sometimes.

    Now my youngest gal, 17 months, LOVES just running around in her diaper. I think it's Hubs fault, to be honest, he's always thought she needed to be "free" or she's "too hot". Now I she fights me everytime I put clothes on her or change her diaper and absolutely hates pj's. I can hardly wait until she realizes she can easily rip that diaper off. My son always did this; I had to duct tape his diapers on for fear of finding messes to cleanup. He was so bad. LOL Things get better with age; having 3 girls and one boy to go off, I think boys are worse.

    Good luck with your streaker! ;)

  10. Thank God I'm not alone! My three-year-old boy is allergic too. I love this post :0)

  11. I am laughing so hard after reading this post. It also makes me feel so much better as I have a 4 year old boy that refuses to wear underwear. He doesn't go around completely naked but he puts on his pants without underwear. He asks me every morning if we are leaving the house. If we have something planned like preschool, he will put on underwear. If I respond that we don't have plans then no underwear. I have three boys so these things don't really surprise me anymore. But I find them extremely funny!

  12. Oh my, I laughed and cried through this whole thing! I'm sure he knows he's being pretty funny;) Your husband getting upset is just hilarious!

  13. I had a little guy kind of like that, too. But that was quite a while ago and now he is a daddy himself . . . . Ha, Ha! A mother's revenge, he is the father of four little boys! He didn't take his pants off all the time, just at moments like the day he opened his upstairs window of our two-story house, took off all his clothes, and was parading around on the roof of the porch where all the cars driving by could see his naked self. No pictures, however, but I can certainly see the "mileage" you will get out of yours one day ;o) Good luck, Mom! Nina @ mamas*little*treasures

  14. That was so hysterical. Can't stop laughing! You've certainly have your hands full-lol! My daughter is almost 2 and haven't experirnced any of that yet.

    Way too funny.


  15. Oh I'm so sorry! I have never really had to deal with a streaker; except for the week we started potty training with my boys. It didn't last long; as BOTH of my boys did not like "streaking" and were quite adamant that they ALWAYS have clothes on....maybe my children are part alien?? I'm not sure..because really, I think every child goes through a nudist streak..and mine didn't...I wonder what I did wrong and if they will break out in the future with their rebellious nature that they never got out of their system when they were little.

    I do hope you are able to find a solution you all can be comfortable with; even the husband!

    --your VB friend
    JadeLouise Designs

  16. My two-year-old son recently figured out how to take his pants off and thinks it's quite funny... but I think he's quite sensitive to the cold so it never lasts long:)
    Thanks for sharing,

  17. Thanks for the great laugh!!! New follower from vB!

  18. Great post. I chuckled all the way through. Definitely save those photos in an archive. They'll come in quite handy for when he's a teen and is being difficult.

    At least your son is only taking off his pants, unlike my two year old who tries to take off everyone elses. Sucks for me b'coz I like to wear skirts and...well we all know what one tug of the hem will do...

  19. OMG thank you! I was laughing so hard! My son is only 9 months old, so we're a ways from this but I have no doubt this will be in our future. I LOVE his way of not putting his bare butt down on anything. It's totally the kind of thing I used to do - don't like option a or b? Make up option c.

  20. This post made me cry laughing I've been hysterically giggling. The pictures are hilarious. I think the hospital story really got me. I am going to share this post on Twitter.

    I had a strong willed son at the age. http://julesmpg.blogspot.com/2007/11/trouble-with-conner.html

    Thanks for the blog comment and stopping by. I am so glad you did.

  21. Newest follower from the SOCK hop! :O)
    This post made me laugh! So funny! Boys will be Boys! ;)

    Hope you visit us at Building Our Story.



  22. OMG...I'm so happy it's not just my family. At least your son wears a shirt! If my 6yo isn't completely naked, he's parading around the house with his Cars bathrobe on but undone, like a little Hugh Hefner. We normally try to ignore it, but then one of us will get sick of little boy parts flopping around and yell at him to go get dressed. I predict that one day my 18mo is going to grab "him," and that will solve all our problems. I suspect clothes will be much more appealing after that. Thanks for the laugh.

  23. That is too cute . My daughter does that too! I am a new follower from the blog hop! Http://cantelmofamily.blogspot.com

  24. So hilarious! Aren't children just the funniest beings? I love the part where your husband is yelling at him, and you're taking photos. That's the best way to enforce discipline. As a single mum I'm usually doing both at the same time! Your son sounds like such a funny character.
    Visiting from welcome wednesday blog hop x

  25. My two-year-old is a semi-nudist. She refuses to sleep in anything but her panties. I have no idea why, but I hope she changes her mind before the cold chill of winter begins.

    Following you from Hump Day Blog Hop!


  26. Okay, yes this is hysterical, but what makes it even more so is your account of it! You do have a way of telling a good story. Love this! And love the photos....

  27. Mine never stripped completely. He always ripped off everything down to the diaper, then ran around dropping powder everywhere he went xD Kids are cute.

  28. This is sooo funny!! I'm at my desk at work cracking up. My daughter thinks it's the funniest thing to show people her butt at home. *sings* "Muuummmy look at my boooty." UGH!! lol. But you taking pics as your husband yells is HI-LARIOUS!
    New follower from the blog hop!!


  29. LOL! I'm with your hubby on this one. My daughters are the same way and the first thing I always think of is that they have dirty bottoms or...other areas...and don't need to be sitting on the furniture or scooting across the floor like a dog with worms...yes...it happened! Kids crack me up with how much they don't seem to care about nudity. I really needed this laugh tonight. :-)


  30. Hey Jenn,

    Just letting you know, that I definitely have Jason Statham on the list of future contenders for our Battles!;)

    You should link up this post too on our Comedy Club...it's such a classic!

  31. Great story. Yes, your son may be getting the best of you both now, but even funnier is your delight in the revenge over the pictorial novel your are ready to present to his girlfriend...years from now. :) Happy Early Thanksgiving! :) Stopping by from the Blog Hop. Looking for new subscribers to my blog 

so come on over and check it out. Hope you visit, like and follow my site.

...If you follow I will certainly follow you back. 



  32. This is hilarious! I love your blog haha. I'm your newest follower from the bloghop! Would love a follow back!

  33. Thanks so much for the follow! Stopping by to follow back. This is hysterical. I don't have kids yet. However, I have a friend, and her son does the same thing. Although he keeps his underwear on. He just refuses pants.

    Katie @ Glamorous Without the Guilt

  34. I just laughed so hard. My son is 3 and has always been anti-pants but insists that he have a shirt on. Maybe it's a boy thing.

    Got here through a blog hop, glad I did.

    Feel free to check out my blog and follow back, if you like it. Cheers.

  35. I had a girlfriend whose father did this! A four year old can get away with it and hopefully will grow out of it but a man? My poor friend would have friends over after school and dad would be there starkers serving them cakes! I also met an entire family like this who were friends of my brothers. I oonly went to visit once and it was a little odd. I remember sitting chatting to the nude mum. She said they weren't nudists they just couldn't be bothered washing clothes, I left thinking if it quacks like a duck, it's probable a duck

  36. This entry made me laugh so hard!!! I can't wait to show this to Aidan...although Aidan might get ideas.

    The Sit and Spin was the best.

  37. Hahaha, My seven year old roams around all day ONLY in undies. It is getting cold out too! I tell her to put some clothes on! Ugh, LOL. Thanks for the good read. Following you every way possible from the blog hop :-)


  38. OMG too funny! I have tears running down my cheeks (no pun intended). Thanks for joining the Planet Weidknecht weekend hop!

  39. We may have given birth to the same child. I am a new follower would love a follow back at lefthandedideas.com

  40. Very funny, my son's are all grown now, but I remember similar stories. I'm a new follower on GFC and Twitter, your Facebook, isn't working right now. I would love for you to follow me too! Blessings, Nona@gr8day2save.com

  41. LOL, too funy! The things our children do,just think you have photos to show him when he gets older. LOL! New follower...please follow me too!

  42. LOL! I can just see that scrapbook now and the horror on his face as you show his latest girlfriend. What a fantastic idea!

    P.S. Thanks for stopping by and linking up to the Meaningful Monday Blog Hop! :)

  43. Love it! I have 6 kids from the ages of 22 down to 2. All of my girls wore clothes. That's what you are supposed to do, right? But my son? The baby? The love of my life? Not him! He don't need no stinkin clothes! Well he does sport a diaper, but that's it. Sometimes shoes, but rarely clothes of any kind. And he not only strips at home, he strips at Walmart, friend's homes, doesn't matter! Naked boy! Must be a little man thing! :)

    Found you at the voiceBoks sponsored Meaningful Blog Hop and I'm glad I did. Let's just hope these 2 don't go to college together!

  44. Haha awwww,it's a mother's prerogative to use this period of time as embarrassing material for new girlfriends x

  45. Considering that my 3 y/o has been pantsless for the past 3 hours- I get it.

    He was using Woody's hat to cover up his floppy part. I was cracking up.

  46. Hahaha my son went threw that stage as well at 3 they do grow out of it. Following u from hop following u via GFC fb and twitter pls follow me back http://www.queensnycmom.com

  47. Aw, what a sweet little boy. He's just trying to be expressive right? Get in touch with his natural self? :)My son is just a toddler so I'm still hoping he will grow out of his naked phase!

  48. Hi just found you through measuring flower and am now your newest follower :)

    Gosh, my 4 year old boy went through a similar phase but he would strip down to only his undies and crocs! It was such a ridiculous look LOL

  49. Haha...kids are too cute! My Mother told me I used to strip in my playpen in the front yard, which drove her nuts! Good thing it's only a phase! I am blog hopping & following you from the Weeday Hop. Growing Old With Grace http://growing-old-with-grace.blogspot.com/. Hugs, GraceinAZ

  50. Someday he will get really REALLY mad at you for this :) But I am laughing so hard it's worth it :)

  51. Ahhh, I think I have found my new favorite blog! You obviously have lots of material here with years to come.

    Congrats on having a husband who uses the words "That's not safe." and for having a son who does his best to problem solve!

    Stop by and say hello some time at www.myparentingcoach.com (It could use some livening up. Maybe you could give me a guest post sometime without the um, natural, pictures;)

    I'm going to find something clean enough on this blog to pin on pinterest..everyone in life needs to laugh!

  52. Save those -- to show his fiancé one day as you go over old memories. Funny.

  53. Hi there, I am your newest follower via GFC stopping by from Couponing From Florida to Michigan. I would love a follow back.


    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Very cute and funny post. I remember those days...lol

  54. :):) Tears are rolling down my face!
    I wonder why this reminds me so much of my house. :):)
    Alpine Dermatology

  55. I am laughing hysterically. This is so darn cute. My little girl, Marilyn, does the same thing, but she's two so hasn't mastered the manipulative part--yet. I gave up a long time ago and figure--pee is sterile and make sure her bum is extra clean. Ce la vie!

  56. Those photos are indeed very funny and are a bit reminiscent of my own early childhood where as a 2-4 year old, I liked to run about in just a t-shirt with no undies. And yes, my parents have a few photos of me at that age showing my skinny little bare bottom too! I'm glad you posted these because it reassures me that loads of little kids must have gone down the 'abandoned undies' phase and not just me!!! By all means keep the photos for showing his first girlfriend or fiance - I'm sure mine may be used for that purpose if and when I find a girl/boyfriend to bring home!


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