Needless to say, I was looking forward to this reunion with unbridled anticipation!
I was third to arrive at the beautiful lake house, and after making probably the only important decision I would need to make during my stay—whether to sleep in the bedroom with the leopard-print sheets or the one with the cozy blue country decor—we settled in, reminisced, procured some fancy wine and donned our bathing suits for a delicious soak in the hot tub.
We retold the usual college stories: the ones involving guys we wish we'd kissed and guys we regret kissing in the first place, and occasionally a new confession would arise and we would all gasp in amazement that our friend had kept us in the dark about said scandal for all these years!
But once we had downed enough booze, the conversation turned. We began lamenting what our bodies had become since hitting thirty. Gray hairs were cursed at repeatedly (which I personally think only served to anger said hairs, causing them to recruit troops even more rapidly for the inevitable takeover), boobs were likened to saggy pancakes, bellies and butts were disparaged, and fat rolls were treated as stealthy shape-shifting invaders from another planet.
We talked of all the ways our bodies had betrayed us as we had gotten older. Eventually, when we ran out of wine, we relocated from the hot tub to the bar in the basement where there was more alcohol to fortify us for the depressing conversation. The lamentations continued over various bottles of liquor.
There were the usual statements like, "Oh yeah? You think your boobs are saggy? I can hold a whole pack of markers under mine!" And "When did my ass get so huge?"
All was going well until I chimed in with, "And don't you hate it when you laugh too hard or jump around too much and accidentally pee yourself?!"
Silence. Stares of disbelief. Everyone just gaped at me—stunned. It was sort of like one of those moments in a crowded bar when suddenly everything goes quiet and you hear some random guy drunkenly shout, "And so then the fire department had to come and surgically remove my penis from the hole in the tree! Who wants to see the scar?!"
I turned beet red. One of the girls quietly said, "Really? Wow... that sucks." Another girl, in awe, said "Yeah, you definitely win with that one."
Apparently I had just won the "most pitiful problem since turning thirty or having children" game, and I silently wondered how convincing I could be if I shouted "Just kidding!" Two of the gals who openly planned on never having children high-fived each other and said, "Well, another reason not to have kids! Glad we won't have to worry about that!"
I didn't think this "involuntary peeing" was such an unusual problem; in fact, I'd heard about it frequently amongst my circles of local mommy friends. But here, with this crew, I felt like some bizarre freak-pageant winner.
I wondered when I would be presented with my official "I PEE MYSELF" sash.
I decided not to tell them the details about how, right after my son's birth, I had partially choked on an apple slice and had wet myself so badly that I had soaked my pajamas and limped upstairs, hysterically sobbing, to tell my husband that I just couldn't take it—he would have to take care of our son for the evening while a very understanding girlfriend (who happened to be a nurse and was completely unfazed by such things) escorted me to CVS and held my hand as I hobbled down the "incontinence" aisle in a state of absolute horror and depression.
No, I didn't tell that story. Instead, I believe I shouted rather desperately, "Who wants another round of shots!?" How about this stuff?! I pointed to a bottle that looked like this:
Never having studied Spanish in school, I announced that I wanted to try the "El-May-Whore"... which nearly got me laughed off the proverbial island. We did a few shots and then made some mixed drinks that put the Kool-Aid-and-plastic-bottle-vodka concoctions we drank in college to shame. We got tipsy and silly, and it was glorious to be together again, laughing and shouting over each others' conversations, occasionally losing our balance and collapsing on top of each other in fits of giggles.
At some point, after much alcohol had been consumed, we thought it would be awesome to do an interpretive dance to that quintessential classic: "Baby Got Back." Someone queued up the song on her iPod, and we all grabbed our rumps and began smacking them and swinging them wildly about in the direction of whomever was filming at the time. It was our own "thirty-something" take on Girls Gone Wild (minus the boob-flashing and girl-on-girl action.) We did, however, lament the absence of a stripper pole, which we believed would have added considerable interest to our performance.
Towards the end of the song, whatever alcohol I had ingested inspired me to repeatedly whip one of my friends in the rear with a super-sized Twizzler before tying it around my neck (the Twizzler, not her butt). In short, it was epic, and while I am dying to share the video here, I have sworn a solemn oath never to let it go public. (And despite my husband's assertion that it's a bunch of shaky-blurry schlock that makes no sense at all, I am personally certain that it would become an instant internet sensation, get featured on Tosh.O, and eventually get us nominated for "America's Got Talent.")
This was just like college—except in some ways it was better. We were now adults who knew what and how much we could drink without completely regretting it, so no one was throwing up all night or so hung-over the next morning that she couldn't go swimming. And no one was crying over a boy or trying to wander out and find one to take home.
Our company was enough, and it was perfect.
On my final afternoon at the lake house, we were involved in a game of Blokus—an intriguing strategy game that is incredibly frustrating for those of us who aren't good at spatial-awareness type endeavors—and I suddenly felt tears forming behind my eyes. Before I knew it, I was weeping on my pretty plastic Tetris-shaped game pieces, causing them to float about in a shallow saltwater moat of sadness and gratitude.
I couldn't believe how quickly the weekend had gone by, and as much as I missed my family, I didn't want to leave these dear girls who had played such an essential part in my life over the years. We had come together for the weekend from various states on the East Coast, and I had no idea when I would see them all again. It made me sad for all that was lost, and incredibly grateful for all we still had.
So to my girls, who've definitely still "got it," I love you, I miss you, and I thank you for one of the best weekends of my post-thirty life.
But I've got one bone to pick—where's my damn sash already?
Oh, wait... here it is—and I model it like a pro, if I do say so myself!
![]() |
This picture was taken during our drunken fun, and I just thought it was the perfect shot to use for the sash! |

Hey Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI expect I'll be seeing you with Whoopie Goldberg on those Poise commercials with that sash on before the end of the week :)
Anonymous said...
ReplyDeletehaha...nothing like weekends with the girls to make NEW embarassing memories, huh?
Hi there - I'm a new follower and stopping by from the blog hop :-) As a new momma, I can definitely relate to this post! The things we go through!
ReplyDeleteI found you from the Blog Hop...
ReplyDeleteLet em be the first of what I am sure will be amny comments ringing out hte following : You are Not Alone! Every mommy I know has had the dreaded accident at one time or another. And it sucks. At least you got a kid out of the whole thing, or it would really be frustrating!
Thea
ps>the night I met my husband I was drinking...wait for it...Grape Soda and Vodka. Out of a sports bottle. Classy.
I almost peed myself reading this! I've heard of other moms talking about 'involuntary peeing' although I've not experienced it personally.
ReplyDeleteLOL great post! I can't wait til I can drink again, since I'm pregnant!!! Those other ladies either haven't had it happen YET, or they won't admit it!!!! I'm following you and the other hosters, and checking out the hop now! Thank you for hosting this! I am new to this type of blogging, so I'd appreciate people reading my blog, commenting, so I can keep going and keep posting! Thanks!
ReplyDeletehttp://flowerhazard.com
LOL I was cracking up reading this! I am a new follower from the blog hop! Definitely going to be reading more of your previous posts
ReplyDeleteGina
ittybitty11.blogspot.com
I'm not a mom - but even I have heard of this being a pretty common thing. Either way, hilarious story :P
ReplyDeleteI also found you via the blog hop & cant wait to read more of your misadventures :P
You are NOT alone. I cannot jump rope, do jumping jacks or jump on a trampoline. Clearly anything invloving the word "jump" makes me pee. I am a teacher and was forced to participate in a contest in an assembly 2 years ago...the contest you ask? JUMP ROPING! Yep, on stage. I jumped a few times and then had to fake a fall and an "accidental tangle up with the rope" until the freaking timed 1 minute was up. My fellow teachers still laugh that I almost peed myself in front of the school.
ReplyDeleteThat was funny! It will happen to them sooner or later.
ReplyDeleteNew follower.
Lori @ http://la-lashomedaycare.blogspot.com/
Ummm...this happens to me all the time. Even before I had my third. I will never forget the first football game I jumped up and down and cheered at and as they crossed the goal line I had to run to the bathroom line.
ReplyDeleteHA! fantastic!!!
ReplyDeleteNew gfc follower from the thursday blog hop! Would love a follow back and say hello!
http://www.mysocalblog.com
You are not alone! I just do as many kegels as I can a day....:)
ReplyDeleteFollowing from the blog hop! What a great post. I wish you could show the video. I can only imagine what a blast you all had. No worries on being the first to wear the sash. Their turn to wear it will come soon enough.
ReplyDeletethis sounds like the most amazing weekend ever! you're a baby got back fan???!! awesomeo!! "baby got back" is me and my best friend's theme song. we auditioned for "say what karaoke" when we were 15 and shook our immature asses in front of the whole king of prussia mall LOL and we performed it at my wedding.
ReplyDelete"my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun" is my favorite line and let's just say i have a very tasteful move to go along with it LOL i loved the pictures!! you wear that sash proudly!! omygosh, so many of my friends pee themselves. no shame gf! if i could, i'd tell you the funniest story ever involving my husband. it would make you feel better! and it doesn't have to do with pee if ya catch my drift. ok, now i'm hogging up your comment space. just wanted to tell ya i'm glad you had a blast and got your drink on!! happy weekend!! xoxo
maria
OMG that is too funny. I've SO had moments like that where I hear crickets after admitting something to friends. hahahaha. Glad you have a good sense of humor about it! :)
ReplyDeleteHi there! I'm a new follower from Rockin Mama's blog stalk. Love your blog, seriously funny and hello I can so relate to the pee myself post. lol
ReplyDeleteI just had a reunion of sorts and those conversations about how life changes you are priceless. Glad your humorous side is still there after all these years!!
ReplyDeleteHi, following along from the Rockin Mom blog hop. I pee myself too. I have to use the bathroom before I jump on the trampoline with my kids...http://twistedmummy.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteSuch fun! I love times like that with the girls!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful recount of your reunion. Loved it all. Sorry about the pee thing - i'm sure it happens to us all!!lol. Anyway I am sure I am already following you but cannot see myself! So following you again from blog hop Friday.
ReplyDeletewww.ninalazina.info
Nina
What a wonderful weekend!! I am so glad you had such fun with your girlfriends. It's rare (or so it seems) that a group can get back together and have so much fun like you girls did. Gosh, I miss those old, fun days!
ReplyDeleteAnd I pee myself too! No shame in it. LOL!!
Missed you while you were gone!
New follower...you made me almost Pee....yeah I do it too...my "condition" is usually followed with a loud donkey laugh too....hey it sounds like you had a blast....every mama deserves it...and honestly...the last time my bff and I got together I ended up hitting my head on a ceiling fan in my glow in the dark boxers....
ReplyDeleteHello...new follower from Lots of Lovin’ hop. Make it a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteHah this was hilarious!! I love getting a chance to let loose and just be silly, sounds like you had a great time!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog today and for your kind words!
Angela @ First Comes Baby...
Sounds like ya'll had way too much fun!
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting the hop. Already following you not to close though wouldn't want to get my shoes wet. Heee1 Heee!
ok this is just too hysterical...and yes I do pee post baby sometimes.. It is what it is. And I just love "loose yourself in your fiends" weekends. They are few and far between but that makes them that much more amazing when they do happen. Great post...and love the sash! lol
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me find you through the WIld Card Weekend. Looking forward to you checking out my site as well and hope you'll follow back.
Cathy
Very cute! Watch out for those apple slices :) Hey there following you this fine Saturday am :-) Hope you can stop by my place and return the favor soon. http://www.shaunanosler.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteYour post brought tears to my eyes, from laughing (peed on myself a little!!) and from the slight sadness of reminiscing with girlfriends! I too have a terrific group of girlfriends (7 of us) actually from middle/high school. We had a similar weekend in Feb, it was fantastic. I miss being with my girls on a regular basis.....
ReplyDeleteFound your post on VB's Silly Saturdays.... hope to see you around my blog sometime too.
http://www.thegypsymom.blogspot.com
Can somone tell me why I am the only person I know over the age of 30 that doesn't have gray hair? I don't have a single one! I think I might celebrate when it happens, since so many people keep asking me where they are.
ReplyDeleteI did almost pee when I saw "Kool-Aid and plastic bottle vodka." HA! Been there, done that... not looking back!
hahaha...sounds like you had fun! Thanks for stopping by my blog...following you back :)
ReplyDeletehttp://wherenothinggoodcomeseasy.blogspot.com/
That's awesome! Makes me want to be there...too funny. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOh and Mrs. Farmer, I'm happy to report I also don't have any gray hair either! Woo Woo!
Sounds like you had a great weekend,
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by and joining in,following back...
Would be great if you joined in Wednesday and Saturday hops next week ?
reviewed you on Stumble today!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for participating in my Simple Sunday blog hop! Following you now and your blog design is great too! Please follow back if you don't already! Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteJenn I commented back to you on my blog but wasn't sure if you would notice. Also, I am sure you don't have much time, but if you would ever be willing to send me some photog tips I would love love love it!! It is something I really want to get good at!
ReplyDeleteHAHA You made me snort coffee on my laptop!!! Just wait until you turn 40!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining in my Planet Weidknecht Weekend Hop!
You're so funny! Got here from Lots of Lovin weekend bloghop!
ReplyDeleteThe Twerp and I
Oh my God - I peed myself reading this - never laughed so hard at a post in my life. Girl - I've only had two kids and I have to be careful. Doesn't matter how many kegals I've done. Love love love your writing. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteDayna
Hilarious! Love the ability to put that one sentence as your title! Brave woman! Following you from One Moment In Time Blog Hop
ReplyDeletehahaha I've just found you from the monday mingle, and will be back to read more... and as Im from england one of our favourite shorthand is PMSL (p@%s myself laughing!) I'd say its a fairly universal situation to find yourself in post children! oh how they change our lives, sounds like you had a great reunion tho :)
ReplyDeleteFunny!! I stopped by to return the follow... and it appears that I already do ;o)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh!
Patricia @ Lemondrops
http://lemondropsdreamtoo.blogspot.com/p/lemondrops-santa-hop.html
Thanks for joining my Monday Mob Hop I am now following you back
ReplyDeletefunny post! I would have loved to hang out at this girls party. Love the "dead silence" when you confessed to peeing. Hysterical!
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower from Fun Tuesday and can't wait to read more from your blog. Have a great day.
Hi!!! I'm stopping by and following you from Follow Me Back Tuesday. I hope you'll check out my blog Frazzled Mama at http://frazzled-mama.com and follow me back.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great day!!
How Fun LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI'm stopping by via the Fun Tuesday Hop and am your newest Follower :)
I co-host Wednesday's New Block Party Hop if you would like join in the Fun.. http://www.frugalplus.com/p/wednesdays-block-party-hop.html
~ Jill
http://www.frugalplus.com/
Can we hang out??!! Just wanted to let you know that I adore you ... and you are the CUTEST thing ever!!
ReplyDeleteHow's it going with the nav bar? I don't see one at the top. Let me know if you need some help.
BIG hugs!!!
Ro :)
LOLOL I pee myself too! It is the darndest thing! Since having babies...ya know! This post made me laugh a lot, thank you. What a hoot you are and I am so glad to have found your blog via Give a hoot Wednesday blog hop lol! I am a new follower, have a great day!
ReplyDeleteWendy
http://obedienttogodscalladoption.blogspot.com/
You. Are. Awesome. Happily following you, I need as much laughter as possible. It takes having kids to finally appreciate our own moms, I think. :)
ReplyDeleteAdrianne
www.happyhourprojects.com
This is the funniest post! I am a new follower thru the blog hop. Would love the follow back. Www.the-mommyhood-chronicles.com
ReplyDeleteI found you through the blog hop and I have to say that this post was HILARIOUS. I love the way you write and am very glad to have found your blog! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm supposed to be getting together with two of my college friends soon. Glad you had fun! And the pee thing? It happened to me before I even had kids!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, am a new follower and stopping by from the Thirsty Thursday.
ReplyDeleteBriny
Following from the Thankful for Friends Thursday hop. Love the modeling of the sash, I almost pee'd myself laughing!
ReplyDeleteThought about you the other day while I was playing tag with my kids. . .and I had to go inside to change shorts. I was trying to be sly and sneak inside before anyone could see me. My daughter came in, asked me why I was changing shorts and asked, "Did you pee in your pants?". Yeah. I can't run any more. It's not good. At least I was at home and not on a running trail!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I'm so glad you had a ball, sounds like you had the perfect time! I love that story. I have had those experince too where everyone is sharing and then I join in and end up feeling like a fool! Thankfully I love to laugh at myself!! Thanks again for great piece!!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from the Wild Weekend Hop!! How funny are you!!! Pass the sash though! lol
ReplyDeleteI'm behind the times, just now reading this post, but HA! At the 6-week checkup after my last pregnancy, I mustered up the courage to ask the dr. about my (ahem) issue, and she informed me that I might need what she called "pee-hole surgery." WHAT??? If that doesn't inspire you to do your kegels, nothing will. So which is worse - the surgery, the fact that she felt a need to dumb it down for me by using the phrase "pee hole," or the irony that later, when I told my bf about it, I laughed so hard I peed myself? I'm going to link to this post in my next post if that's okay! :)
ReplyDeleteOMG... pee-hole surgery?!! Yikes!! You know, right after having my son I was pretty sure that I'd NEVER be able to do anything even remotely athletic again without wearing Depends. The situation did improve, but I still have my moments. *sigh*
DeleteAnd I'm totally flattered that you want to link to this post! You're totally welcome to! I proudly wear my shame for the whole world to laugh at. Hehe! Oh, and if you liked this post, you might enjoy Who Wants a New Vajayjay for Christmas and Till Death Do Us Barf (in which I pee myself on the side of the road halfway through my best friend's wedding).
Thanks for your lovely comment!
Smiles, Jenn
Ha! Your posts are so funny! Thank you for the reply - and sorry about the email thing, it should be fixed now :). I linked up to your chicken soup post, and it should be up on the blog now. The post went a different direction than I originally planned (isn't that always the way?) but you still might get a giggle :) thanks again! Robyn (Hollow Tree Ventures)
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