My four-year-old has recently been developing an interest in people's "parts." His own parts are understandably fascinating to him, and he spends considerable time fiddling with them to see what they're all about.
When my daughter was born, he would hover over her during diaper changes, furrowing his brow and staring at her crotch. One time he spoke up and said in a concerned whisper, "Mommy, she doesn't have any parts!!" I informed him that she has girl parts, which look different from boy parts. I could just about see the smoke wafting from his ears as his little brain tried to process this information.
Despite his fascination with his what goes on "down south," what he seems most interested in lately... is boobies. He's asked me plenty of questions about mine over the last couple of years. When I was breastfeeding my daughter, he would frequently stare at them while I pumped or while she nursed. One time I attempted to show him where the milk came out, and he said, "I wanna try!"
Before I could respond, he reached over, roughly gripped my breast and squeezed with all his might. Milk sprayed across the room, splattering my husband, my son, and eventually the television set, which was at least ten feet away. He shouted "Wow!!!"
My husband burst out laughing, and I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I was unaware I had that kind of range. I thought that I should perhaps inform the military -- they might have interest in employing my boobs as some sort of experimental weapon due to their incredible shooting radius.
All manner of questions followed, including "Do they make chocolate milk too?" and "Can ice cream with sprinkles come out of them?" My son began seeking me out after I showered, trying to catch a glimpse of my swollen mammaries before they were bound back up in their nursing bras. If he would happen to catch me, he would shout, "Hooray!!! NIPPLES!!!" before skipping down the hall, giggling maniacally.
I have been done with nursing for a couple of months now, but my son's fascination with my boobs, and breasts in general, has not waned. The other night I was getting him ready for bed, and he came right up to me, stuck his face in my belly, began rubbing my left breast gently, and asked for a snack. He spoke in a soft voice, repeating, "I'm really hungry, Mommy... please can I have a snack," all the while caressing my breast with his palm. I gently moved him back and told him that since he had already brushed his teeth, a snack would not be forthcoming. But the whole thing left me puzzled.
I told my husband about the teat-touching that had gone on at bedtime, and he shrugged and said he'd do the same thing if I'd let him. Not helpful.
Then, this past weekend, we were in the kitchen making coffee when we heard our son shout "Wow!!! COOL!!!" from the living room. I went out to investigate and saw him ogling the following photo in my Glamour magazine:
I marched him to the kitchen to show my husband what the fuss was about. I glared at my hubby and said, "See what your son found?" He shrugged as if to say, "What? I'm sure it's totally innocent."
To prove his point, he asked Evan what was so cool about the photo. Evan thought for a moment and said, "Her glasses." My husband looked at me triumphantly. "Ahhh... her glasses are cool, aren't they?" he said. "They look like the 3-D glasses you wore at the movies, right?" My son nodded. My husband gave me a look that said that I was obviously making a big deal over nothing.
Then my husband asked, "Do you think she's going to the movies Evan?"
Evan frowned and said, "No."
"Why not?" my husband asked. Evan blushed. A huge grin started to spread across his face, and with a naughty gleam in his eye he said...
"Because she's not wearing a SHIRT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" He ran off with the magazine, insanely cackling.
I glared at my husband. He shrugged. "So he's a boob man!" he said. "What do you expect?"
"But he's FOUR!" I said. My hubby replied, "Well, I guess he takes after his daddy!"
Oh my -- what am I in for?